Ruby Jewel Treats

10.14.08 Fan Mail

O.k. I have to say life is good. I make ice cream, I get a "free" slice of pizza when I deliver to Hot Lips. That sounds pretty good right? It is but... owning your own business is not particularly lucrative. Sometimes I stress (my sister might argue with this), but mostly I remember I am choosing this life and am really enjoying every minute of it. ESPECIALLY when I open the inbox to emails like this:

Dear Friend,

I can call you friend, right? After all I know that you created your Lemon Cookie with Honey Lavender Ice cream Sandwich just for me and I know such kindness could never come from a stranger, so friend it is. I first tasted this little nugget of perfection while getting my grocery shopping done over my lunch break several months ago. I saw this lovely ice cream sandwich sitting there in the freezer section with its cute little unassuming wrapper and after reading the label thought "who the hell thought of that combination?" Upon further inspection I saw Portland, OR as the origin of manufacture. So despite my suspicion about the combination of said flavors, I plucked the sandwich out of the freezer and dropped it into my basket. I have had good experiences lately with products coming out if this particular region (don't even get me started on Harvest Roast pumpkin seeds), so I was hoping for another one. I was not disappointed.

I returned to the grocery store the next week to do some more shopping and get me another one of them ice cream sandwiches... I didn't realize the hold they had on me until I got to the freezer where they had been, only to find out they were gone. I began scouring the store for a clerk who could tell me if there were any left in the back. Every store seems to have this magical place called "in the back" that can sometimes produce items that elude the average shopper. In what seemed like an eternity, I finally learned that there were none. Nothing in the front and nothing in the back. I couldn't believe it; I started to break out into a cold sweat and everything got a little fuzzy. From here on out I don't remember much leading up to my running out of the store, dropping to my knees, looking to the heavens and screaming "NOOOOOOO!!!" But what I do remember is the empty feeling that I had inside that day. That memory still fills me with anxiety every time I make my approach to the freezer isle.

Tonight I sat down on the couch nibbling on yet another one. I have had to limit my trips to the grocery store now so I do not develop a one a day or more habit, after all, they're not exactly low cal... I began to ponder this experience and the profound impact it has had on my life. I came to the conclusion that it would probably be in your best interest to start putting warning labels on your sandwich packaging. Now I am not saying that I am going to seek legal counsel, but they do still have those warnings on electronic devices instructing folks not to use them around water, so I figure it is just a matter of time before somebody's personal injury lawyer contacts your office. Being that I cannot imagine a world without these little beauties, I figured I would help you to launch a preemptive strike. Below is a list of suggested warnings that should get you off to a good start;

WARNING: Consuming this product may induce delusional ideals that all the world’s problems could be solved with a Ruby Jewel ice cream sandwich.

WARNING: If you don't want to fantasize about this ice cream sandwich every day for the rest of your life, put it down and walk away now... No, RUN!

WARNING: After the first bite of this ice cream sandwich you can kiss your will power goodbye!

I hope this helps you. In the meantime I will try and not lose sleep over the ginger pumpkin sandwich and when it might arrive at my local market... Do you have an Ambien reimbursement plan???

Sincerely,

Adrienne Cox

posted by lisa @ 10.14.08